Letting off steam!

I am imposing a letting-off-steam 'have to' on myself.. Here I am camping at a beautiful lake with our trailer right on the water. We have kayaks with us and a jet ski. The jet ski has a problem which precludes us from using the jet ski or the boat it attaches to. This is very disappointing to my son and me. Unfortunately, it is ruining my sons day and evening. Now I can see why it will before disappointing tomorrow but tonite he should let it go. We are done being in the water. So why must he ruin it for himself and me. We were going to work on some stuff tonight and now he doesn't want to. I think it is selfish and childish. He wants to go home. I really don't but I dont want to stay here with him moping all day. I want to yell at him! His friends may come on Saturday but I don't think he thinks they will come. Since I only do what I want to do, I am questioning what that is tonight.

Taxes -- Can't get rid of this 'have-to'

Well, yes, I do have another 'have-to' that I forgot about.  I have to pay my taxes; but then I really don't mind because, well, my taxes help pay for the roads I drive on; they help pay for the library I use; some of the golf courses; most all our parks and recreation areas; our world class kayak river run; my pension; my dad's pension; and my children's salaries.  They also help the poor people in my neighborhood; the old people who cannot work anymore; and they help provide meals for the kids whose parents don't have the money to feed them.  Oh and then there is the police and fire departments which I really appreciate and actually needed a couple of times this year. 

Health care too -- I am soon to be on Medicare.  My friends are all on Medicare and receiving pretty decent coverage -- they even think the government is doing a good job running it. 

That leaves national defense.  Although, I think we are fighting an intelligence war with brute force and need to change the way we think about national defense; I believe my tax dollars have to help with that too.  So, there you have it -- a 'have to' no one really likes; yet I think I use enough of the services that I am happy to pay my share which is close to 14% of my income. 

I don't have to go home ...

When I go out, whether it be for a hike, walk, social hour, dinner, drinks, dancing, I am rarely the first to go home.  At parties, I am often the last to leave, even if I was the first to arrive.  On a hike, I may walk faster then some, but I still want to stop and take pictures or for a bite to eat.  If we are walking a constant 5 miles, I will walk steady, but always want a social hour afterwards.

So many times, people cannot socialize because they 'have-to" do something or another.  Some don't show up at all; some show up, but then 'have-to' go.  I, on the other hand, rarely 'have-to' go.  I don't want to rush -- so unless it is truly one of my few 'have-tos', I have enough time to enjoy what I am doing right now!  I am not in a hurry to do something else. 

So why do people have so many have-tos?  Are they self-imposed?  They have to be.  I don't think you can blame your have-tos on someone else -- you always have choices.

Life does not have to be full of have-tos -- choose to be free

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Why are there so many have tos in your life?

I am always amazed at how many people have to do so many things.  I have had very few have-tos in my life.  I had to work and I had to take care of my kids. Now that I am retired, I do only what I want to do!

I began limiting the number of have-tos in my life when I was in my twenties.  When my children were very young 3 and 5, we spent Saturday mornings cleaning.  Why was I cleaning on Saturday morning?  One reason was that was how I was brought up --every Saturday, we had to clean our rooms, change the beds and do whatever other chores were assigned to us.  The other more valid reason was that I worked all week and Saturday was the only day I had to clean.

So instead of enjoying my children on one of the two days I had with them, I badgered them to clean their rooms while I cleaned the rest of the house. 

One day, I asked myself; why am I doing this?  My answer had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my mom.  I realized I was cleaning my house for my mom, not for me.  I decided, my house did not have to be picture perfect.  I chose to enjoy my children on Saturday mornings instead of cleaning.  For the first time in my life, I felt free to do what I wanted to do on Saturday mornings.  From that point on, the kids and I did fun stuff together.